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After my mother died
My father told me that I made her unhappy
But that’s what adolescent girls do
to their mothers

Before my mother died
I sat by her hospital bed.
I was pregnant, but she didn’t know it.
A week after the abortion she died.
I felt like I had killed her
D&C sucking out what mattered in the world.

Before the abortion
the baby’s father liked
that we could have unprotected sex.
But there must have been
unprotected sex already
or why was I pregnant?

After the abortion
I saw him at a party
with a beautiful curly haired blonde.
I assume she didn’t know
about the pregnant girlfriend.

Before the divorce
I stopped sleeping with my husband
because it felt like rape
and I didn’t know how to talk to him about it.

After the divorce
He told me he had hated me for years.
And I wondered.
Did he hate me
Before
or after
the sex stopped?

3 thoughts on “Cause and effect

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